“I-I-I don’t think anyone’s gonna ‘rupie’ me. And it’s a date rape drug.” “Mom, I’m all right. They call it ‘rupie.'” “Did you say, ‘rupie’?” “Yes, Josep, ‘rupie.'” “You mean ‘roofie’?” “Yes, Josep, ‘ru-pie.'” “Mom, why? Why are you talk–” “Because, Josep, what it is “is they put it in the drinks. “Jo-sep, the reason why I’m telling you “why what bar is because there’s people out there putting drugs in the drinks.” “What are you talking about, Mom?” “Drugs, Josep, drugs. Why, Mom? Why are you call– I got to go.” “Well, because, Josep, the reason why I’m asking you…” That’s how my mom talks to me. If I go to the bar, my mom’s the first one to call me and go, “Josep, are you going to a bar out there? “Are you going out there? To those bars? That bar?” “Yeah, I’m going to those bars, Mom, why?” “Which bar? Which bar, Josep? Which?” Like she knows all the fucking bars. The worst advi–That’s why I had to leave my mom. “It’s your sister’s birthday.” “Your brother’s getting married.” “Oh, that sucks, Mom.” My mom would give the worst advice. Most exciting news in the world, depression on the face. Right? It doesn’t matter how exciting the news is, my mom’s face always looks depressed. “I was in the break room, “and her purse fall down, ticket fall out, “it says, ‘Jo Koy.’ “And she’s at the show, laughing, having good time.” If you’re not Filipino, that’s how they talk. Now she’s telling the doctor, “She’s at the comedy show. All the other Filipino nurses came to the show. Like, the ones that didn’t come to the show, the snitchy fuckin’ Filipino nurse. Just doctors walking around, going, “Where’s Bernadette?” “She’s at the comedy show.” That’s how Filip– That’s how those Filipino nurses talk. Somewhere in Glendale, there’s an empty hospital. Is that–is that– How many Filipinos in here right now? Let me just hear how many Filipinos. Chicken and waffles right around… Right around this area there’s a chicken and waffle… Some Filipino food all over the goddamn place. You know what I mean? I can smell every– like, you can– There’s, like, some tortillas right around here. I mean, we got–like, you can smell each race in here. Like, we got every color of the rainbow in the theater tonight. We’re in Los Angel– This is why I love coming home to Los Angeles. Live from the Alex Theatre, give it up for Jo Koy!
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